Use these tricks when mixing your mouth
Noisier and more loving?
Use these tricks when mixing your mouth
One of the things to do: Eliminate each other’s thoughts and express your thoughts clearly.
For example, the other person said, “I think you are really selfish.”
Don’t rush to fight back: “What about you?
How are you going there again?
“You should calm down and ask the other person,” Why do you think so, what did I do to make you feel like this? ”
“That’s what the other person is thinking.
If the evidence provided by the other party is unreasonable, you should also explain why you think it is unreasonable.
Clearly expressing each other’s thoughts, the quarrel between the two people may have focus, otherwise, it is easy to flow into blind and chaotic, and it will not produce any results.
The second thing to do: clarify each other’s needs.
Ask the other person, “What do you want me to do?
What will I do to be satisfied?
“Or tell the other person clearly what you want?
What will he do to be satisfied?
Many people quarreled for a long time, and as a result, the two sides had no idea what the other side wanted.
In this case, it is important to apply a scientific definition.
For example, when the other person says, “You don’t care about my feelings every time.”
You can ask her: “What do I do, do you think I care about your feelings?
“If he said,” I hope you can always accompany me.
“Then you can ask her:” Do you think it takes a few days a week to accompany you, you will feel that I am with you without ignoring your feelings? ”
“Don’t think it’s stupid to clarify these issues. Many people’s entanglement in quarrels is on this issue.
Imagine if the other person said, “I want you to be with me when you have time,” and you say, “I really can’t be with you every day.
If you are with you three days a week, can you accept it?
“Look, isn’t that really starting to communicate?
When you say this, the other party may realize that their request is unreasonable and will be willing to make a more reasonable and feasible request.
This way of consensus is much better than anger and yelling at each other, right?
In addition to the above two important principles, you should avoid the following things when quarreling: First, do n’t talk about things that are unlikely to change: For example, you may think that the other person ‘s height is not high enough, and they are not goodOr make enough money.
If you are the one being talked about, I suggest that you calmly respond: “I know I do.
But this is me, that’s how I am.
This problem will not help us at the beginning.
So, shall we talk about some parts that I can change?
“If you are the person you are talking about, then I suggest that you think about it. The other person may be like this. If you can accept it, accept him. If you cannot accept it, consider leaving him.
Barely asking the other party to make changes that are impossible to achieve, it is just increasing each other’s frustration.
If his problem needs to be dealt with mentally (such as: impulsiveness, drinking alcohol, pessimism, avoiding the crowd), then you should assist him in seeking professional advice.
Second, do not turn over the old account, but argue over future issues: in the process of quarreling, do not keep digging past old accounts for calculation.
This is just arousing the emotions of both sides, and it does not help the matter at all.
I suggest that you often say something like: “Okay, what if we encounter a problem similar to today?
“You can tell how you will deal with similar issues in the future, see if the other party can accept it, and how he wants you to change.
You can also ask to see how the other party will handle the problem, see if you can accept it, and state your expectations.
It ‘s often said, “What should we do if we encounter the same thing in the future?
“This sentence can help you shift the focus of change from venting emotions to solving problems.
Third, don’t interrupt the other party: If you frequently interrupt the other party, it is easy to arouse the other party’s anger, and it is difficult to communicate effectively.
You should calmly listen to what the other person is saying, and then make clear what is inside.
If the other person’s content is very complicated, you can ask him to talk about one core issue at a time.
Then after he has finished speaking, you can repeat his thoughts and ask him if your understanding is correct.
Usually the opponent in anger will calm down because you accurately understand his feelings.
Therefore, it is very important to let the other party have a chance to talk about their ideas smoothly.
But what if the other person keeps interrupting you while you are speaking?
Then you can tell him directly: “You have been interrupting me now, so I can’t tell what I think.
“When you have reminded two or three times that the other party will still interrupt you, then you can say,” I think you have been interrupting me, so we can’t communicate.
Don’t interrupt me if you want to talk again.
If you can’t do that, then we’ll talk about it tomorrow.
“Keep your position, and you will not continue to communicate until the other party can stop you.
Fourth, don’t quarrel when you are excited: When two people are emotional, they yell at each other more and more. If you think of something that can hurt each other, speak out.
At this time there is no so-called communication, the quarrel between the two people is just to vent their anger.
Therefore, smart people should avoid opening these emotional times, keep their lips closed and not quarrel, and wait until calm down.
You are advised not to quarrel under the following circumstances: (1) while driving, (2) after 12:00 in the morning, (3) after drinking, (4) when you are uncomfortable or tired, in these cases, your physiology is easyThe state of excitement is as flammable as gasoline.
Once quarreled, it can easily turn into yelling at each other without focus.
Such a quarrel is only harmful and not good.
If the other person keeps arguing with you, you can tell him, “Now your emotions are too exciting, and we can’t talk about them with any results.
I will definitely find time to talk to you about this tomorrow.
“We must insist on this.
There is no quarrel in the close relationship between people.
A constructive quarrel will allow each other to understand each other, and the two will become closer.
Therefore, as long as the method of quarrel is correct, the relationship with each other is of great benefit.