Four psychological roots of mother-in-law
As the saying goes: “The daughter-in-law has become a wife for many years.” The relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law has always been an irreplaceable subject in Chinese family relations.
Why are there so many contradictions between mother-in-law?
How to properly handle the contradictions between mother-in-law and mother-in-law?
Case: This is a very lively family.
Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and husband live together.
As the saying goes: “Three women and one play”, the two women here are also very happy.
The mother-in-law had a quick temper, and her daughter-in-law couldn’t bear it. The two were in conflict every day. The husband had a good temper. When he met his mother-in-law, they didn’t say anything, just laughed.
The woman complained to her mother-in-law, and he listened; the mother-in-law told him that his daughter-in-law was not, and he listened.
Such a family is a microcosm of the thousands of traditional families in China’s urban and rural areas.
The silk thread in the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is constantly being cut, and the reason is still chaotic.
1. It is difficult for the three parties to quickly adapt to each other. For men, the role before marriage: “lover” who loves his girlfriend outside, and “filial son” around his mother at home.
After the marriage, the two roles will change immediately. He must be a loving wife and a manly “husband”. He should also be the “son” who is obedient and filial as usual.
But it is really difficult to cover everything at the same time.
For a newly-married woman, she is not only a “wife” who can spoil her husband arbitrarily, but also a docile “daughter-in-law” at home.
This is a big challenge.
What about mother-in-law?
For the first time, she may feel the shaking of women in the family, and watched her son meet an “foreign woman” left and right.
The reason why the problem of mother-in-law is so complicated is because of the conflict in these roles, and it is difficult to balance these three pressures at the same time.
2. The competition and threat of “love” “Mother love” and “love” were originally two different kinds of love, but as a grace, they often encountered this problem.
For them, this conflict is not the difference in the nature of love, and even the problem of being plundered of the “object of love”, which only results in “wife and mother falling into the river at the same time, are they saved first?
There is no solution to the eternal problem.
And the focus of the conflict between the wife and mother is that this “man” must belong to himself, and subconsciously expect that this “man” can surpass or even be hostile to the other party. Only in this way, this “man” can belong to himself more.
The mother wanted to return to the situation where the son had only attached to her; the wife wanted to prove that her husband was in love, and a battle for love would take place.
3, mother-in-law and mother-in-law have too many different views. After marrying a daughter-in-law, she thinks that a part of the family has jumped to the next level.
The big and small things in the home should be taken for granted by the elders.
But today, the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law has basically become an equal interpersonal relationship, and modern women rarely retain the “authoritative” idea.
Women have independent socio-political and economic systems, so few people can withstand this “traditional” task and challenge.
In two different times, women with different lifestyles and concepts who do not understand each other live together, and the problem of in-laws will inevitably arise.
4. The bad communication between the three parties may not be caused by the “significant event”. Different lifestyles, different living habits, different cultural backgrounds, and different families are born. Different views and practices on the same thing may be generated.Poor communication and trivial matters can also trigger big conflicts.
It is not easy for men to “settle down” and “reassure” those “wars” that were born inexplicably at home.
When dealing with disputes between wife and mother, things often get worse because of the inflexible interpretation and handling of men.
Men’s “splint gas” has become commonplace.
How to deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law?
First, find the source of your family’s resources, and get close to this resource, and properly distance yourself from hurting characters.
In the above two families, the son / husband can tolerate and tolerate the contradictory parties of the mother-in-law and the wife. They have the character of being as tolerant as the sea, and have the greatest resources.
Daughter-in-law can pay less attention to her mother-in-law’s hurtful attitude, and pay more attention to her husband’s language and actions, that is, to approach the resource person to gain energy.
With the close proximity of her daughter-in-law and her husband to the proper distance from her mother-in-law, the differentiation of the small family gradually progressed; by changing the mental energy combat and achieving more aggressive fighting, the family was gradually injected with psychological energy. Second, identify and learn from the resources.
For example, in the above-mentioned family, the daughter-in-law, as a young and flexible generation, can learn more from her husband.
The husband has adopted a method of neglecting a harmful attitude, and the daughter-in-law can discuss this with the husband: “Is this method of neglect good?
What else can I do?
Maybe the husband can be more involved and integrated?
The couple adjusted together to find a constructive, positive attitude and approach.
Thirdly, kick the psychological energy out of the world outside the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law to create a better life, and in the process, cultivate the ability to love others.
For example, in the above-mentioned families, daughter-in-law can work more actively and harder, and increase the fun of life with her husband, care more about her husband, and offset and evacuate unhappy emotions through love.
Fourth, appropriately meet the normal psychological needs of the elderly and cultivate “the ability to share love”.
For example, when the family atmosphere is more pleasant, the husband and wife are together to spend more time with the elderly Lala, “revolutionary history”.
If you give love, you will also get human feeling, just like pouring a scoop of cold water into a pot of boiling soup, which will make your family feel comfortable, at ease, and at ease.
Fifth, in the interaction of the three families, the mother-in-law must also gradually accept the new family structure.
All three work hard and the family will get better and better.
The daughter-in-law can only deal with the relationship in the family and wait until he becomes the mother-in-law to reduce the tragedy of “the peasant uprising army eventually becomes the emperor”.
Specifically, the first way to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law is to do more adjustment work for the son.
In the event of a conflict, we must promptly persuade, “harmony and mud,” behind the persuasion of his wife, at the same time be a good matchmaker, at the same time lie on both sides.
This is how several cartoons are drawn: After the mother-in-law quarrel, the son went to his mother and said that his daughter-in-law had known something wrong. Then he turned to his wife and said that his mother had forgiven, and the contradiction was resolved.
The second important point in resolving the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is to do more housework for the wife-in-law.
Don’t be resentful when you do it, but do it calmly.
First of all, the old man still has such a characteristic. If the wife is grabbing everything in his head, the old man is the most likely to be touched, but he will not let the wife do it.
The third important point in handling the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is that the daughter-in-law does not go outside to say that her mother-in-law is not, this is the most hurtful feeling.
It doesn’t matter if you have a bad heart, you can talk to your mother-in-law through your husband. This effect is better than talking about the salty road outside.
The fourth is that after the contradiction occurs, the wife-in-law should bear more of it. Don’t go head-to-head. As the saying goes: “It is difficult for officials to break housework.” Family conflicts have no fundamental conflict of interest.
As long as you can bravely regret the elderly after the contradiction occurs, the old man’s anger will soon disappear.
In such a family, if the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is not handled properly, many problems will arise: 1. Loss of mother-in-law and the birth of “law-in-law violence”.
In recent years, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law’s fights have repeatedly occurred, showing that the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law has been lost and has escalated into violence.
Following the traditional understanding of people, domestic violence refers to violence between husbands and wives. This understanding is wrong. Legally, domestic violence can be divided into husband and wife violence, violence between parents and children, and other family members.Violence, etc.
Therefore, violence between mother-in-law and child-in-law is also a type of domestic violence, which should attract public attention.
2. The conflict between mother-in-law and mother-in-law became the second biggest “killer” of marriage.
Regarding the soaring divorce rate, a staff member of the Civil Affairs Bureau of Kazakhstan said that nearly 30% of divorces caused by domestic violence were caused by discord between mother-in-law and mother-in-law.
3. One of the reasons for the poor relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is because of the third-generation children’s education, so if the contradictions are not well resolved, it will directly endanger the healthy growth of the substitute.
The relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law is a very challenging job. When it comes to each household, it depends on the wisdom and cultivation of the sisters.